Rambling · Uncategorized

What I’ve done this month – August 2017

Despite my best intentions to be more regular in updating my blog, I’ve been super busy this past month. So I thought I would post about what I’ve been up to since my last update.
As my last post shows, I spent the first weekend of August hanging out with Benjamin, my boyfriend. My month has consisted mainly of hanging out with Benj, working, and getting prepped for uni.
Highlights of August have included:

August 11th – I was given the day off work so I spent the day with Benj for his birthday <3. We hung out with his mum, gran and sister, visited a cute cafe and had a chippy tea. It was a very cute day celebrating my love turning 19 and he was super happy with his present: cereal, an umbrella and the new Cribs record. I had planned to keep the vinyl a surprise but being the Cribs Superfan he is, Benj was about to buy it when I decided to tell him I’d bought it haha.

August 15th – I spent the day at Harewood House with Benj and his family. As part of his birthday present, I bought him a penguin feeding experience. It was amazing to feed the cute lil penguins with him and spend time strolling through the historic house and gardens!

August 17th – August 17th was the dreaded A level results day! I’m really proud of myself for achieving B, B, C in my A levels! To celebrate, I went to Spoons with Benj and a few friends, before we all headed back to mine for tea and fig rolls B) It ended up being really quiet – of the twenty people invited, there was just me, Liv, her boyfriend, Liv’s friend Hannah, Isaac and Benj. But it was really nice to hang out with them, listen to music and chill. I couldn’t think of a nicer way to celebrate the end of A levels.

August 19th – I slept over at my lovely friend Katya’s. We watched crazy Russian movies, drank and had a good laugh. Miss her lots.

August 22nd – I spent the day in York with Benj, as I had two job interviews there. (Unfortunately I didn’t get the jobs!) But we had a lot of fun. We scouted out some great cafes, and Benj was given a free coffee by the owner of a small cute cafe near the YSJ campus so it’s now a firm favourite.

We set off early in the morning in order to be there on time. We snooped around lots of shops and I bought a cute new jumper for uni. After spending the day in York, I was worn out so we got the train to Leeds at about 5. Due to a ten minute delay, we missed the train home, so Benj treated me to sushi whilst we waited for the next one. He’s an angel and I’m lucky to have him.

August 24th – I went out for a meal with my family to celebrate my brother’s awesome G.C.S.E results.

August 25th – I went on my first proper “night out”. We had prinks at Benj’s mate Arran’s house, before heading into Leeds. By 1am, I was tired and ready for my bed haha. Turns out I am not a big club person!

My month has been a lot of fun, and a lot of prep for uni next month. My August days have been filled with packing, working my butt off, and making the most of the summer. Next month brings with it university, independent living and I’m sure, the opportunity to create many more fantastic memories. All I can say is BRING ON SEPTEMBER!
A x

Rambling · Uncategorized

My weekend – August 4th-7th 2017

As a result of working full time and being uber busy getting ready for university, my blog has been neglected a little bit recently. So I thought I would write a post about what I’ve been up to this past weekend as a little update!
I had the day off work in Friday so I met my lovely friend Tom for lunch after waving goodbye to my parents. (They went away on a romantic break to Barcelona this weekend). It was really nice to catch up with him! We also did a spot of shopping and I got some bits for uni and part of Benj’s birthday present.

After a few hours with Tom, he walked me home and I picked up my bag as I was going to a party Benj was hosting. We got the train together and chatted about friendships and how special it is to have someone who understands you deeply. He headed home and I got the bus to the city centre. As I suffer with anxiety, house parties full of strangers are not my idea of a good time! It was my first time meeting a lot of Benj’s friends and they were drinking (something which generally puts me a little on edge). Luckily, they were all super friendly! And perhaps more luckily, when I panic-induced-texted my friend Liv, she was free and offered to come to the party with me. (I thought she was in London so hadn’t invited her). I am so grateful to have that lil bean by my side. She’s always there when I need a rant, and was super supportive of me on Friday.

As I said, Ben’s friends were all really nice so we stayed up late mingling. I was super tired at work the next day but it was definitely worth it. After work, I came home to a letter from my friend Katya! She included a bracelet from Sheffield Pride as I wasn’t able to attend with her. A sweet present from such a sweet friend! Ben arrived at mine for about six and watched TV whilst enchiladas cooked in the oven and I finished up my work from an online course I’m doing. (I’ll be blogging about it later when I complete the course!) Looking over at him watching Rick & Morty as I typed made me reflect on how lucky I am to have someone so laid back, supportive and loving by my side.

We ate our enchiladas and watched Kiss The Girls. It’s a really good film! It was weird seeing a “young” Morgan Freeman though. Afterwards, we curled up in bed, a lil’ freaked out because of the nature of the film, and chatted til we fell asleep.

I had work on Sunday and sold lots of pretty flowers! My mama picked me up after work and we had a catch-up. I ate tea at hers and discussed gender and the future with my brothers. I got the bus over to Benj’s and we snuggled. We watched the Blues Brothers whilst cuddling the cat. So many people have recommended the film to me and I can see why! It was a feel-good film with lots of great music. The absolute babe Carrie Fisher also features which makes it a win with me. The plot of the film and the nonchalant attitude of the protagonists made me reflect a lot on my own attitudes and spiritual beliefs. I’ve been researching Quakerism recently and feel drawn to it. A lot of the beliefs held by Quakers align with my own. It’s been amazing finding something structured that helps me. I’m hoping to attend a meeting when I go to university as I’m currently too busy with working to attend ūüė¶

I stayed over at Benj’s Sunday night. We woke up, had cuddles and breakfast, followed by a quick shower. We had been wanting to go to Yorkshire Sculpture Park for a while and I was so excited we finally getting to go together that I actually turned down Ben’s offer to make me a cup of tea. (Anyone who knows me well knows this is a testimony to how giddy I was!) We set off, grabbing a picnic from Sainsbury’s between buses.

YSP was so pretty! Benj and I strolled around hand in hand, encountering lots of sheep and fancy art. To make the day even more perfect, I petted two extremely cute doggos and we saw a cat chilling in the woods. We had a cute picnic and took lots of photos. #HipsterCoupleGoals

We bought some postcards to send to my Aunty in America, and in reply to Katya’s cute letter. I felt super sad saying goodbye to Benji even though I will see him soon as the past few days had been so perfect. (Forgetting to take my meds Sunday morning probably didn’t help – whoops!)
I was rather grumpy and tired when I got home but Benj persuaded me to go to a yoga class and I’m so glad I did. Because I’ve been so busy recently, my yoga practice has also been impacted and I haven’t managed to get to a class in a few weeks which has definitely affected my mood. My normal practice is Ashtanga but I felt a bit daunted by that, so I went to a Hatha class to ease myself back into yoga. I felt so much better for going! The class pushed me but I was also super proud of myself for a) going when I felt so down in the dumps, and b) achieving some quite tricky poses even though my practice has gotten rusty. I’m hoping to get myself to a Yin class tonight ūüôā

I better get off to write my postcards! I hope you are all well and please get in contact if you feel so inclined! I will be attempting to update my blog more regularly. – A x

Mental health · Uncategorized

The truth about prozac

“Prozac”, like many forms of antidepressant, is a very controversial medicine.

Late last year I was prescribed fluoxetine (to give it its medical name). (Prozac is a brand name, and like ‘hoover’ has come to refer to various vacuum cleaners, ‘prozac’ refers to fluoxetine, which is made by many different brands. The brand I was taking was actually called ‘prozep’ until I changed to a gelatin-free form).

And the truth is this medicine has saved my life.

It’s as simple as that. The best way I can describe being on SSRIs is like after you have a cold for a long time with a constant blocked nose, and then you are able to breath clearly again. I was not suddenly happy, or magically ‘fixed. But I felt ‘normal’ again – life was manageable, instead of being a whirlwind of emotions. Prozac gave me my life back.

But the truth is also that this medicine has also made some of my friends feel ten times worse. If you’re reading this as someone potentially trying fluoxetine, please don’t let “horror stories” put you off as they affect the minority of people. If the medicine doesn’t work for you, an alternative can be found. Your health takes priority.

Prozac can have nasty side effects – luckily my only side effects have been nightmares, but they are infrequent, and the benefits outway the cons for me. However, for some people, the cons are unbearable and that just means this medicine isn’t the right medicine for them. It’s not possible to say whether the insomnia I suffer with is a side effect of the prozac or just a continuation of the insomnia I suffered with prior to taking prescription – but this leads me to add that many “side effects” are listed due to the technicality that they can’t be ruled not to be side effects. For example, bulimia is listed as a side effect despite prozac/prozep being used to treat bulimia, this is because the disorder may still occur in the patient despite being on medicine, and it cannot be decisively concluded if prozac is causing the disorder due to it being taken by the patient. So that doesn’t mean prozac causes these disorders, just that it doesn’t help everyone with their mental health problems in the same way it has been helpful for me.

I am a little bit scared about the day I come off fluoxetine as it is ‘addictive’ medicine. But I have also made peace with the fact I may never come off it; There’s no shame in taking medicine if I need it to help me function. The past week has been very rough as due to administration issues, I was without my medication for 8 days. (And you could tell.) My poor boyfriend had to handle a lot of my mood swings and irritability, which could have been my mental health problems that were not being managed by medicine, or could possibly have been withdrawal symptoms.
If you are on antidepressants it is so so important you take them regularly!

The reason I was placed in this precarious situation is I found out my medication had gelatin in (something I’m not okay with consuming) and had to faff about getting veggie alternatives. I was very peeved that no one had informed me that my medication contained gelatin (but also annoyed at myself for not checking the ingredients). My medication was initially handled by my dad, so I wasn’t aware of the ingredients, and only recently actually read the box. (Always read contents before you take any meds kids – Lesson learnt!). The pharmacist I spoke to also implied I wasn’t told that the capsules contained gelatin as “all capsules do” so it’s common knowledge (that I was not aware of.) I’ve luckily been able to source an alternative I’m happy with taking so for the foreseeable future, taking a dose of fluoxetine is as much a part of my morning routine as having breakfast and brushing my teeth. It’s helped me immensely, and countless others. There should be a push for more medication to help those suffering from mental health issues, as as I have outlined, fluoxetine isn’t a “cure” and does not help everybody.

I truly hope we can tackle the stigma about mental health and medication, so that one day, my being on SSRIs is viewed no differently to me taking medicine for a physical illness and maintaining my health and wellbeing in other ways. I also personally hope that medication also moves away from using animal produce unnecessarily.

Sending love to all my mentally ill babes, medicated or not. Please seek help when you need it! Although I cannot help, I’m here to listen if anyone wants to get anything offrom their chest! -A x



York meetup – July 2017

On Monday I met some of my housemates for the first time! We’ve all been chatting over Facebook since being allocated the same accommodation at YSJ, so nine of us met up for a day in York. (We won’t all be sharing a house, but will be living in the same accommodation, as it’s sort of like a row of terrace houses).
To my delight, everyone is super lovely and it calmed my nerves about moving in. I am now so excited for September!
Early Monday morning I traveled to Wakefield to meet Lauren. She drove us to York. We parked at the YHA we were staying at and had a pleasant stroll along the river to York city centre to meet the others. In true English fashion, we met Clare, Holly, Daisy, Phillipa, Tony,¬†M√≥nica (who is Spanish) and Thomas at Gregg’s.
We all introduced ourselves and had a pleasant stroll around the open market, the Shambles and the Disney store. I am in love with all the cute things in the Disney store!
We mooched outside the store for a while chatting and I got a really bad craving for ice cream so suggested it to the others. We got ice cream from an ice cream parlour and munched it on our way to everyone’s favourite cheap-and-cheerful pub-chain Wetherspoons.¬†

We spent a few hours chatting in Spoons before heading to YSJ for a look around our accom. It looks really nice and I will be happy to call it home in September!
Following that, we strolled around York for a bit, stopping for a drink in a few pubs and buying snacks from a Sunday-roast take-away. At around 7, Clare, Lauren and I walked the others to the train station and had a big group-hug goodbye before nipping to Sainsbury’s for snacks and heading to YHA York. Strolling along York with a very tipsy Lauren was very funny, and it was great to spend time with just those two as I will be sharing a house with them come September.

After checking in, we went to the youth hostel bar for another drink and played a round of pool. We stayed up a while chatting and playing “Never Have I Ever”. Clare and I got ready for bed at around 11 but Lauren, self-proclaimed party-animals made mates downstairs and stayed up drinking til 3. Although she did hang out with us in the room for a little while which was really nice, Clare and I had to rely on each other for support as we started mortified as one another as a lady we’d been having a pleasant conversation with started taking her clothes off mid-conversation. (I’m all for body-positivity but nearly naked strangers isn’t my cup of tea, especially when they start undressing whilst having a chat with you.)
The bed was a lot comfier than I was expecting, and the Youth Hostel really exceeded my expectations as it was really good quality, which i wasn’t expecting given we’d only paid ¬£13 each for the night. Drinks were cheap too which is always a bonus!
I woke up the following morning and got dressed as the other slept. We got ready and checked out, and the bartender informed us Lauren had been up til three but had stayed in the hostel as promised. (I made her promise to stay on site – I’m a killjoy only because I care haha).
We walked back along the river into York for breakfast. We had full English breakfasts (mine was veggie) at Bailey’s cafe, before going back down to sit by the river and chat.

Lauren and I saw Clare off at the train station before walking back to the car and driving home. She kindly dropped me off at my house. We will hopefully meet up again before September but they all seem really lovely.
I’m so glad everyone was so friendly and easy-going. It was great meeting Tony, a fellow enby, as well, as coming out to new people is always daunting and I sort of followed their lead as I wasn’t planning on telling the group but they did first and reacted well. Thank you Tony for letting me ride your coattails haha.

If everyone is as sweet as they seemed, uni will be awesome! I cannot wait for September!
Uni will be brilliant and I’m lucky to have met amazing people to share my experience with!
A x


June 30th 2017

Yesterday Benj and I went to support my fabby mate Isaac at a fundraiser gig he’d organised. I was super excited to see Isaac’s band Emergency Exit live for the first time and they did not disappoint!
Proceeds from the night went to the British Red Cross’ Refugee project – you can donate here¬†to help support this amazing cause!
After work, I got the train to meet Benji and show off my new pink hair. He didn’t know I had dyed my hair pink, but got very excited and ran his hands through it when he saw me.

We got our connecting train to Huddersfield and asked the conductor for directions to Byrham Arcade. A short ten minute walk later we were jamming to Emergency Exit playing King of the Swingers, Toto’s Africa, Just the Two of Us and other funky hits. Although I only drank water all night, I was rather giddy, jumping up and down to the bands (and losing my sh*t when Slurp Dirty played their song “2 cheeses but only one cracker”), leading Isaac’s mum to think I was intoxicated (oops). On the alcohol-drinking-front, Benj had a pale ale from the cutesy-kitsch Panda’s kitchen bar. We also had to help a rather drunk American lady into the gig, where she danced with the young girls merrily. My giddiness was probably not helped by Benj and I leaving the gig briefly to get some dinner – dinner which consisted of cookie dough and waffles at this gorgeous ice cream parlor.

Although Benj and I left early to get the train home, it was a really good night. (Made even better by our taxi home from Dewsbury only costing us two quid because a random bloke asked to share with us – score!) Through Isaac’s amazing hardwork, over ¬£200 was raised. I am so proud of all the hard work he’s put in. He’s a beacon of light, as we should all aspire to be.

An awesome night for an awesome cause! Thank you and well done to all the amazing bands that played! 10/10, would definitely bounce around and shake a collection tin to those funky tunes again.

Cute nights like this remind me of how much positivity and fun exist in the world. A tiny hall full of teenagers dancing and singing and giving money to a good cause made me reflect on how powerful our youth are, and how everyone deserves to feel safe and enjoy their teenage years. The air felt electric, and the joy was radiant. The money raised will go towards combating the issues that have barred others from being free and dancing in the same way as us.
The refugee crisis is real, pressing and present, but this event reminded me we can honor them and combat the negativity through hope, positivity, and joy. The negative news constantly blared in the media fails to show the compassion and community we all inspirit.
I often have felt guilty about having a “good time” whilst others out there suffer, but I know now that doing good feels good, and empathy doesn’t mean we should feel negative too. We are giving others a helping hand from our position of privilege; this privilege we should recognize, but more importantly, revel in, whilst helping other access this.
Keep the refugees in your minds in the coming weeks, don’t let their struggle go unheard as the news coverage of their plight declines.
We can make the future a much brighter place
-A x


Goodbye A levels!


Today I sat my last ever A level exam and the relief is immense! Studying A levels has been one of the most stressful things I’ve ever undertaken; last year, I became very ill with stress. But that’s all over now! I am free!
I have celebrated this new found freedom by drinking soya chocolate milk/tea, eating bourbons and having a hair-dyeing session with my delightful friend Liv. Liv has been a rock in helping me get through A level English literature.
Studying A levels was incredibly stressful due to the pressure you’re under, but studying at sixth form has been positive and helped me grow as a person. It’s opened me up to new experiences, taught me a lot about myself and my capabilities, and I’ve made some great friends!

The English department has been incredibly supportive of me as well. Whilst I struggled with my other A levels, I have had a knack for English lit. The teachers have been so inspirational and I will miss them greatly. I will hopefully be returning to my college at some point to do some work experience with the English department.
A huge weight has been lifted and I am so glad A levels are over. But most of all I am proud of myself for giving them my best shot despite adversity and health challenges. Results day will show how well they went, but I am still proud of all the hard work I’ve put in over the past two years.
The past two years at college have been truly life-changing. I have developed so much as a person and successfully battled my mental health problems. I am so happy it’s over, but also sad to say goodbye to all the wonderful people who have helped me on this journey.
As this chapter comes to a close, another one opens and that’s incredibly exciting. So thank you A levels for dragging me to Hell and back, because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
A x


Science has a New Explanation for Homosexuality

This is really interesting!

United Humanists

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 Science has a New Explanation for Homosexuality

When James O’Keefe’s 18-year-old son Jimmy came out as gay, James felt like he had failed him and regretted that Jimmy wouldn’t have kids of his own. Though he now realizes that Jimmy might one day have kids, as a medical doctor O’Keefe still wondered about the genetic and evolutionary factors that made his son gay.

‚ÄúViewed in the light of evolution,‚ÄĚ O‚ÄôKeefe said in a recent TED Talk (video below), ‚Äúhomosexuality seems to be a real self-defeating non-productive strategy. Gays have 80 percent fewer kids than heterosexuals. This is a trait that ought to go extinct in a few generations, yet down through recorded history in every culture and many animal species as well, homosexuality has been a small but distinct subgroup. If this were a genetic error, natural selection should have long ago culled this from the gene pool.‚ÄĚ

So what gives?


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